Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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