i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
do herpes really smell.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
