Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
