I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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