Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize