She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
