girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
