for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
