he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
