i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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