when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
