So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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