can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
