Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Randomize
