Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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