I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
