I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
