Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
