Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
