I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Randomize
