I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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