oh god the rape fog is back!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
