I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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