...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
