My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
