Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
