a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
