I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
