remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
