I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
