just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
