yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
