Can i not drive my cunt home
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
