Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize