what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
