K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
