KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
