Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
