Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
