if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I want to have your abortion
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
