they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
