No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
