i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
