my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
