Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
