in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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