You're so nebulous sometimes
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i would punch a child for taco bell
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
