would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
