i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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