I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
