Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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