I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
