Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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