we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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