We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
