Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
