I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I supernannyed him into submission
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
