Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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