i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
