My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
