im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize