Three words: puerto rican gang bang
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My cat gives me a boner
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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