are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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