I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
