Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
