There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I love having hate sex.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
